Grace out of criticism

What is it about the little criticisms, that make me so crazy? Sometimes they are not even spoken, they come in the form of a derisive look. Or maybe in the form of a telling tone of voice, so it’s not so much what was said as it is how it was said that hurts. Criticism is not the problem so much as is judgment, and more accurately, the unfair and wrong judgment of who I am an how I live the call on my life to be mother, wife, minister, much less Liz, and the failed attempt at hiding that judgement. Yet the judgement is veiled enough that I can’t point it out to others without sounding paranoid (which I am). So I spend three to five days stewing in it until I’m over it and can move on.
So where is the grace? Where is the relief and release from the self-destructive behavior? Where is God in the narcissism? God is in the hugs my daughter couldn’t stop giving me yesterday afternoon. God is in the smiles and conversation that have the grace to move on from the judgmental criticism into deeper relationship. God is in the colleagues and friends who know exactly what I am describing and remind me this is part of loving people. And as the band Nazareth says, sometimes “Love hurts.”
Today, on this rainy day after “spring forward,” with seasonal allergies threatening to do in any positive attitude I try to paste on, when I find myself slipping into the frustration of mulling over past cross glances and derisive tones of voice, I will thank God for the blessing of grace and move on.

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About lizdeweese

I'm a 30's something mom of two young children who serves as minister to a suburban church in the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) in Cincinnati, Ohio. I'm married to a minister of another Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) just across the river in norther Kentucky. It's a challenge, but I love every bit of it!
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